Suzanne Says

Question: Hi Suzanne: I enjoy getting your newsletter each month.

Please give me some insights. I’m at a new job, teaching 4 and 5 year olds at a private school that goes from age three to fifth grade. I enjoy all that I am learning in the classroom and the setting is ideal in many respects. We have a large patio that is open on most days (weather permitting) and we often eat our snack outside, too.

The shadow side is that the administrative part of the job didn’t work out, so my salary is half of what I had expected when I started in June. Something about the trees and nature affects my allergies, so I’ve struggled with upper respiratory ailments much of the time. (It totally cleared up during the winter break) And I’m struggling a bit to fit in with the mindset of the wealthier people around me.

My husband sees all these and a few other facts as evidence that I should leave the school after this year. This seems to be a pattern for me in my jobs, that I allow him to talk me into leaving a job and then I get frustrated with him.

As a first year teacher, my mantra has been: "Next year will be easier". So, it’s hard to think of leaving before I give it another year. I’m also pleased that I am learning so much about classroom management. I’ve been successful at creating a compassionate classroom.

Sorry to go on and on like this. I guess I needed to express some of this. I just had my first official review and it was somewhat neutral. I could probably make it work here for at least another year, but it will be a lot of effort and without my husband’s support it will be even harder. What to do??

Answer: I would like to see you emphasize all the positive things about this job, such as you are learning about classroom management, the atmosphere is flexible as the kids can eat outside and that you have created a compassionate classroom. Good on you.

I agree the first year of any job is full of adjusting and that the second year is usually easier, at least more familiar. Let’s create some affirmations for this year:

I love working with young children and positively impacting them.

I enjoy using my education and putting into practice all my skills with children.

I am learning to adjust my personality to be part of this team, so I give myself time to adjust.

I sit with myself each evening and find one thing I learned that supports my growth.

It seems that you are dealing with a husband that finds emotional support difficult. If he is a problem solver, he would rather fix your problem of discomfort in this and previous job situations. This means if you quit, then everything will be easier for him. You on the other hand, are needing a kind ear to process the parts of the job that are challenging for you.

Why not process your feelings with a friend or in your journal? I am hearing you say that it would be good for your moral to work there a couple of years, at least, before deciding if the job is a good fit for you. This would require you to be less influenced by what your husband says and listen more to what is inside of you.