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Send your questions to Suzanne@InnerworksPublishing.com
Question:
Can you help me understand? For some time now I've noticed
that my partner sometimes seems to say contradictory things to
me. Is this 'normal'? For example, on the one hand he
has said something like "I love you unconditionally
and don't want you to ever feel like you have 'to perform' for
me."
But
then recently, when I asked for us to consider doing
something differently that he didn't agree with, he told me that he
felt 'conned' and 'let down.' The message in his response
to me was "If you don't do things the way you used to then
you'd better pack your bags and go!" I believe
that he does love and adore me but I'm not sure how to respond in
a circumstance like that? Do you have any ideas to help me
understand this?
Faith
PS
Just the other day, for the first time, he told me he felt
confused because I'd told him 2 opposite things. I
wonder if it's the same 'pattern' (?) happening, but
on this occasion from me to him...
Answer:
Living in an aware, growing, intimate relationship is tricky
sometimes. You have written before and I know you are healing a
lot of patterns and making a lot of positive changes within
yourself and in your relationship.
It
is difficult to live our ideals sometimes. It sounds good to
love unconditionally, however living it is a little harder. I
believe if we have an intention, such as to accept our partner
the way they are, it moves us in that direction. Now when we
live day to day, our own stuff gets in the way of accepting
them, thus the double messages.
You
are experiencing the growing edge where you are living clearer
and clearer. Relationships are great for speeding up the process
of understanding ourselves and becoming more conscious. Stay on
the dance floor and keep dancing!
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