Humor

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (a 100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"

A little voice came out of the box... "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great statement he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river!"

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river!"

Sermon complete, he then sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River.'"

A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away.

The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose.

The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose.

The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him! We got him!"