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by Thomas Eldridge
Why is it that we can find ourselves in a
situation we would rather not be in but we can't seem to change
it? It could be a relationship that is not a happy and
fulfilling partnership but we just can't leave it, or it could
be an unsatisfying job, yet we don't update our resume.
Sometimes it's an apartment or neighborhood that's uncomfortable
for us but we cannot find the energy to go out looking for
something that suits our style or safety needs. Maybe it is a
health problem like an addiction that we can't find the
self-discipline to begin working on. And there is that creative
project in the desk drawer that we think about once in a while
but don't spend any time on, or the room that needs painting or
the car that needs servicing or your teeth that need new
fillings.
We may say that we are just too busy with the everyday demands
of living, and that there are too many people needing our time
and attention, or that our energy levels are too low. All of
this is true, especially as the Information Age inundates our
lives with a seemingly never-ending stream of diversions and
distractions. Most of the time, the best we can do is to try to
keep up with things or handle whichever is most urgent at the
moment. These streams of events then shape our lifestyles and,
as a result, the time-consuming and energy-draining impact of
our fast-paced culture goes ignored or unnoticed.
We can feel even more overwhelmed, paralyzed and energy drained
than most people because of our sensitivity. All the outside
over-stimulating factors may take over our central nervous
system at an intensifying rate. We may feel so bombarded with
these outside influences that we feel like we have no options,
can see no options, even forgetting that options exist. Then we
feel that we are stuck in whatever situation we may find
ourselves, immobilized and depressed. We may even forget to
breathe deeply enough for our body to function optimally.
Another explanation is our lack of values around our personal
well being. Making do with what you have is easier than
expressing your values. Instead, we express our unconscious
fears that say "be thankful for what you have",
"this relationship is better than no relationship", or
"this job is an improvement over the last job I had."
You may be metaphysically oriented and find yourself using
phrases like "There is a reason this person is in my
life," or "I have this boss, these parents, children
because it is an opportunity to grow or to learn
something." Or how about, "I am building soul
strength, releasing karma, or going through a spiritual
initiation that is taking me several lifetimes." This kind
of evaluation can be very helpful after one is no longer stuck
in a situation. It is totally possible to be going through a
soul transformation that needs time to cook long enough before
the person can come out of the stew pot. In this kind of
process, infinite patience is required while the soul
restructures or reorganizes itself.
Sensitive people in particular are very much in tune with other
people's feelings. Consequently we are very adept at imagining
how painful it would be to them if we asked for what we really
would like. Rather than risk hurting anyone, giving what has
been expected of us all these years has, in a sense, been a much
more peaceful approach.
"No one has ever been disappointed with me, not even
myself." You may have created the perfect home, family or
social position that everyone admires, but inside you are just
plain tired from all this effort in behalf of everybody else.
Then there are the financial considerations that can be foreseen
if you leave this marriage. "Can I afford the child support
or the rent?" What about the consequences at the office if
you leave. "How will they get along without me?"
In all of these instances, what is really being considered,
either consciously or unconsciously, is that staying stuck is
actually a way of feeling secure or comfortable -- an important
issue for anyone but particularly so for the highly sensitive
person. If we are avoiding conflict, we simply create more inner
conflict because our truth isn't spoken or expressed. If we
desire true self-actualization, eventually we must come to face
the realization that what is at stake -- our hopes, our dreams,
and our goals, is more important than our need for safety.
Thomas Eldridge is the founder of the Center
for Highly Sensitive People. You can read more about sensitivity
on the web at http://www.thomaseldridge.com
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