Suzanne Says

Question: What do I do when my wife’s minister wants to stop by for a talk? I do not really want to meet him because I do not like traditional Christianity and am happy with the church I attend. I do not want to get into an argument or waste energy defending my beliefs. And I do not want to join their church. In fact I have a hidden desire to be a minister myself someday, though in a more progressive church, possibly like Unity Church.

1. Observe yourself. Any situation that gets you uptight, hot and bothered is an opportunity for your growth. As you watch yourself “loose it” in a conversation, pull yourself back and simply be with your feelings. Honor yourself for “knowing” what is coming and begin asking yourself where your boundaries are.

2. All of your thoughts, feelings, and opinions about the minister or your wife’s church do not need to be expressed to your wife. You do need to process them for yourself, however, before and after a discussion with your wife or her minister. Journal writing or talking with another, who is neutral and nonjudgmental, is very helpful. The more aware you become of yourself, the better job you will do taking care of yourself in a difficult situation. You are better able to respond rather than react to others.

3. Develop your skills as a communicator. If you perceive you are more aware in one area than the other person, you might only express things that help the other think and grow. Do not reveal your whole logical bag of tricks about your journey to higher truths. They usually fall on “deaf ears,” so to speak. Some of the most aware people, are silent when another does not recognize or want to hear a point of view outside of their belief system.

4. By opening yourself to this new minister, you can practice being nonjudgemental, tolerant, and open. The discussions can be productive in helping you clarify your point of view.

5. If you wish to be of service to others by being a minister someday, then you need to deal with traditional thinkers. New thought churches are full of them, wishing to learn new ways of looking at Truth.

6. When others show up with rigid views, use it as a mirror to see where you have a match—opposite but equal rigidity. Belief systems that need updating, many times, find their polar opposite. This facilitates your own shadow places needing upgrading to higher truths.

7. There are levels of truth on the journey to Universal Truths. One can only understand truth from his or her own point-of-reference based on conditioning, life experiences, observations, comfort in exploring new ideas, etc. Know that it is a secret that all roads lead to Rome.

8. If you choose to meet with this minister to please your wife, you might set the stage with them beforehand by letting them know that you feel it is okay to disagree. This can set the tone of respect and nonjudgementalness.

9. Send the minister love and respect before he gets to your house. You can prepare yourself by pretending he is actually there and talking to him ahead of time, talking out loud to him, perhaps letting him know that you are open to friendship and freedom of expression, but not to being persuaded to join his camp. And who really knows what the experience is ahead of time, you may find some pleasant surprises too, including wanting to be part of his church family.

10. Stay conscious and remember your sense of humor.