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A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son ..."Go get your mother."
ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES - -REALLY!!
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"Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter"
Now that is really something!
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"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"
Ya think?
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"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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"Miners Refuse to Work after Death"
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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"War Dims Hope for Peace"
I can see where it might have that effect!
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"If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile"
Ya think?!
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"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
Who would have thought!
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"Enfield ( London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"
They may be on to something!
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