Innerwords Newsletter: Compassion, The Ultimate Love

Where does one learn compassion? How can you tell when someone is compassionate? Compassion is a gift, skill, and talent. Being trustworthy of someone’s vulnerability is an honor.

One time while at the grocery store a woman stopped me. I’m not sure if she thought I was someone else, but she proceeded to share a tender story with me. Through her details she began to sob. I reached out to hold her hand and allowed her sharing to continue. I didn’t bother to look around to notice who was watching. It really didn’t matter. She was so scattered and distressed, and I knew that I should just look at her with a neutral gaze and witness her pain. I did not indicate with my facial expressions whether I agreed or disagreed. Agreeing with someone’s distress can sometimes encourage them to stay in a victim mentality and delay healing. Witnessing someone’s pain can be very healing for both of you. You may not even need to respond. Just don’t discourage it. Maintain a kind, unbiased facial expression. Let them cry and share what’s heavy on their heart. They need to release in that moment and your ability to invite authentic expression could be the miracle you both need.

Compassion is likened to altruism. Recognizing that another human being is grieving and reaching out for love can aide in immediate healing. Put yourself in their shoes. Don’t squelch the sharing of their misfortune. We live in an emotionless-capitalistic society where the primary focus for many is acquiring more–more goods, services, sex, money, respect, attention. When someone is in pain, they too need to acquire something at that time–more love.

According to the University of California at Berkley, “cynics may dismiss compassion as touchy-feely or irrational however, scientists have started to map the biological basis of compassion, suggesting its deep evolutionary purpose. This research has shown that when we feel compassion, our heart rate slows down and we secrete the bonding hormone oxytocin. Regions of the brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure light up, which often results in our wanting to care for other people.”

Next time someone reaches out for you, lower your cell phone and offer your ear or shoulder. Connecting to others ignites feelings of selfless behavior that deepens the bond between us, not to mention diminishes the notion of isolation. Advancing technologies and even addiction to technology is leading us away from one another. In the past, we lived in tribes we belonged to a group. Today, we grow up quickly and frequently move away from our parents, migrating for work and various other reasons. Or just stay glued to our tech (resulting in the new word called “tech neck”). That disengagement can lead to a loss of belonging and connection in the real world.

Visiting an acquaintance at work or in your neighborhood builds bridges that can keep you grounded and feeling stable. Volunteerism is a positive way to build compassion and there are numerous ways to contribute to countless organizations. Many hospitals have a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) that need support in cuddling babies. Simply hugging a newborn is greatly needed in some regions, and it boosts bountiful feelings of love, connection, belonging, importance, compassion, sense of purpose and more. Even just imagining hugging an infant can generate constructive and magnificent feelings.

According to Researcher, Author and Storyteller Brené Brown, compassion is linked with vulnerability and setting healthy boundaries. Frequently, when we hear the word vulnerability, we think of weakness, but it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable. Remember the last time you risked with someone and felt vulnerable You had to be courageous first. It is very brave to be vulnerable. I find it emotionally heroic when someone shares authentically. Taking your mask off to reveal the real you takes a lot of self-compassion, openness and audacity. Additionally, compassion goes hand-in-hand with setting healthy boundaries. If you give at the expense of yourself that sacrifice comes at a huge price, and it is unsustainable. Eventually, you are going to avoid that person or organization or just burn out. Given your current schedule and responsibilities, consider what is reasonable for you to give ̱ of time, talent, energy and finances. Brown recommends being generous in your assumptions of others; anticipate that they have good intentions.

When you set healthy boundaries it is easy to give freely with eyes wide open. When you assume the best about others and give when you can, you expand your ability to love. Compassion brings us closer to each other. Emotional resonance and connectivity build love and belonging, and the world definitely needs more love today.

ZENERGY BOOST FOR DEVELOPING COMPASSION

1. Be a Hero or a Shero. You decide how.

2. Be a first responder and contribute to those in a natural disaster.

3. Envision your loving arms around the globe and give love to humanity.

4. Buy a stranger’s groceries.

5. Plant a tree for a deceased relative or friend.

6. Tell a musician, celebrity, or another person in your life how their amazing works of art or community contribution impacts you.

7. Send wisdom to world leaders.

Ki Browning, BA, CHT, RYI

Besides a degree in psychology, Ki has many other credentials which include Ayurvedic Lifestyle Coach, Dr. Deepak Chopra Certified Instructor, Board Certified Hypnotherapist, Cayce Certified Regression Therapist, Registered Yoga Teacher, Fitness Over Fifty Specialist, Certified Strength Trainer, Corporate Wellness Consultant, Mind-Body-Spirit Life Coach, Nutrition Educator, and Meditation Leader.

Ki is the author of a new book, Zenergy-Mind-Body-Spirit, which is endorsed by the Dr. Deepak Chopra Center and Discovery Channel. It is deemed a Spiritual Encyclopedia by the Independent Book Publishers Association. As a coach she helps clients identify needs and reclaim balance after life changing events, such as, retirement, the bereavement process, or finding a (new) life purpose.