Suzanne Says

Questions & Answers

May 2004

Send your questions to Suzanne@InnerworksPublishing.com

Question: My name is Sandy and I began seeing life through new lenses about a year and a half ago. I have read many self-help books, but do not seem to be able to make changes in my life. I throw out new ideas and try new behaviors with my family, but do not experience much success.

Answer: The first step in change is awareness. You have begun the long process of building new beliefs and patterns of behavior. Being the first in your family to change your awareness is tough. There is usually little support, and sometimes outright resistance, for your new life choices. It might be time to go deeper with your own understanding of yourself. Individual psychotherapy is always a good place to start. Ask a friend for a referral or look in the telephone book for the mental health association in your area to get a referral for a local therapist. After you have done more in-depth work on yourself, you can be more successful in teaching your family the new ideas about which you have been reading.

One of my favorite ways to practice self-inquiry and to build greater self-awareness is through journal writing. Many people resist writing, possibly because it reminds them of the pressures of being in school. For journaling you don’t need to worry about spelling, writing in complete sentences, or proper grammar. Just express yourself. Until you try it for a while, it is difficult to understand the benefits of writing down your thoughts and feelings. However, as you write, sometimes insights will pop out of the unconscious and onto the paper helping you see such things as why you back down too soon in a confrontation or why you give up believing your life can be what you want it to be. If you are new to journal writing, use the following questions and suggestions to get you started.

Eventually you will simply and easily express your conflicts, insights, etc.

1. List what you like and dislike about your own character traits?
   
   

2. How are you like and how are you different from each of your parents? What are the strongest traits, guiding beliefs, or patterns of behavior that you learned from each of your parents? Which of these do you like and which do you dislike?
   
   

3. Take one characteristic that you wish to change. Write every thought, feeling, and memory you have related to this trait. What blocks you from changing this trait in yourself? What is the first step in moving in the direction of healing this trait? Describe how you will look, act, and feel when you have transformed this trait in yourself. Take a moment each day and visualize this new trait in yourself.
   
   

4. What motivates you in life?
   
   

5. Write about your most developed and least developed part of self, physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. What things do you need to do to balance yourself?
   
   

6. Write about the people who are mentors or role models for you? What have you learned from them? What do you like about them? Which of their values, characteristics, behaviors, and beliefs do you wish to emulate?
   
   

7. Write a script for your future as if you are writing a novel or movie with you as the main character.
   
   

8. Write about the most negative thought or feeling you have about yourself. Write some healing affirmations to heal this.
   
   

9. Write about some of your greatest fears? When do you remember first having them? What events trigger them today? How do you see yourself healing these? Create some affirmations.
   
   

10. Write about significant emotional events that have influenced your life.
    
    

11. List your needs, wants and goals.
    
    

12. List ten guiding beliefs. Rewrite the limiting ones.
    
    

13. Write a letter to someone you are angry with, hurt by, resentful towards, or unable to forgive. You do not have to mail the letter unless your inner guidance directs you to do this.
    
    

14. Record your dreams. Include how you feel about each dream and what you think each may mean. Look for themes and patterns in your dreams over a period of time.
    
    

15. Write a poem of forgiveness to someone you are healing your relationship with, past or present.
    
    

16. Who were the people and situations that influenced your self-esteem in the past? Write about your positive and negative feeling experiences. What does your inner guidance tell you to do about healing the past?
    
    

17. Write about conditional and unconditional love. What did you experience and learn from your family-of-origin? from your religious teachings? from the media?
    
    

18. Write a letter at the beginning of each year or on your birthday, expressing all that you want to experience and accomplish in the next year. Open your letter the following year and see how well you did. Notice whether you had unreal expectations of time, either allowing too much or too little time to do what you say you wanted to accomplish, create, and experience.
    
    

19. List things that you do or want to start doing to nurture yourself.

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