The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies
and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.
Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest
approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, "Well,
Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot
about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling
up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination
for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it
before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to
be here , St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any
entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a
big enough test as it was."
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know,
Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with
the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a
year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up
and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the
questions over, tell me your answers."
Forrest says, "Well, the first one --
which two days in the week begin with the letter
"T"? Shucks, that one's easy.
That'd be Today and Tomorrow.
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims,
"Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but you do have
a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit
for that answer.
How about the next one?" asks St.
Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says
Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess
the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve?
Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with
twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be
twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . ."
"Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter.
"I see where you're going with this, and I see your
point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.....but
I'll have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let's go on with the third and final
question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure" Forrest replied, "its
Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated
and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you
came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just
how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the
first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of
all, "Forrest replied. "I learntit from the song. .
. "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME
I AM HIS OWN. . . ."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said:
"Run Forrest, run."
An old man lived alone in Sydney. He wanted
to spade his potato garden,
but it was very hard work. His only son, Blue, who used to
help him, was
in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described
his predicament.
Dear Blue,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able
to
plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to
be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles
would
be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where
I buried
the BODIES.
Love, Blue
At 4 A.M. the next morning, Federal Agents and local police
showed up
and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They
apologized
to the old man and left. That same day the old man received
another
letter from his son......
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could
do under
the circumstances.
Love Blue.
