Humor

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the
traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key
bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The
bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known
as the Car Strangled Spanner.

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying
on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest!
Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but
finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.

"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a
little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age.

"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic.
But for fifty years now I've been living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church
on Third Avenue, and every Friday night I listen to the Catholic litany.
Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."

The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to where the dying
man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured man, and says in a solemn
voice: "B4. I19. N38. G54. O72."

A southern belle was looking to buy a house. The seller said,
"This house hasn't got a flaw in it!"

The southern belle replied, "My lands! What do y'all walk on?"

A woman, calling a local hospital, said, "Hello, I'd like to talk with
the person who gives the information regarding your patients.
I'd like to find out if the patient is getting better, or doing as expected, or is getting worse".

The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's
name and room number?"

She said, "Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."

"I will connect you with the nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"

"I would like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302"

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records.
Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well.
In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine,
her blood work just came back as normal, she's going to be
taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her
home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! that's fantastic
that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close
family member or a very close friend!"

"Not exactly, I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me anything!"

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
.......W. C. Fields