|
A little girl was talking to her
teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a
whale to swallow a human because even though it was a
very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a
whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not
swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will
ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to
hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing
her classroom of children while they were drawing. She
would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working
diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what
God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor"
thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a
family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
The children had all been
photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade
them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when
you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a
lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the
circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter
clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my
head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I
would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my
feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
empty."
The children were lined up in the
cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At
the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of
the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God
is watching the apples.
In an office: TOILET OUT OF
ORDER......PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE
REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER
YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE
TAKEN
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE
TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING -
BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE
ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR
CAR
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN
AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST
FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO
CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE
KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
|
