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NUDITY: I was driving
with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5 year
old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing
a seat belt!"
HONESTY: My son Zachary,
4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped
his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran
to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up
and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw
this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days
ago.
OPINIONS: On the first
day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this
child are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP: A woman was
trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the
child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come
to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the
bottle."
MORE NUDITY: A little boy
got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
POLICE: It was the end of
the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As
I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and
I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got
back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the
van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
ELDERLY: While working
for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She
as unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age,particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I
found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never
believe this!"
DRESS-UP: A little girl
was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You
know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
DEATH: While walking
along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a
dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they
had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and
made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son
was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ....and
into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL: A little girl had
just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting
my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I
can't write and they won't let me talk!"
BIBLE: A little boy
opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was
an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out."
What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the
young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear.
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