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Mr. Senior goes to the doc with his wife. After a brief exam, the doc pulls the wife aside and says in a low voice, “I don’t like the looks of your husband.”
“Well, neither do I, but he’s good with the grandkids.”
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Mr. Senior goes to the doc with his wife. After a brief exam, the doc pulls the wife aside and says in a low voice, “Mrs. Jones, you husband is in very serious condition. Unless he gets special care, he is going to die soon.”
“What kind of special care.”
“You need to feed him whatever he wants to eat, take him wherever he says he wants to go, always agree with him and never get his blood pressure up by having a quarrel. You need to make him as happy and comfortable as possible for the rest of his life, or he just won’t last too much longer.”
The wife goes over to the husband who is sitting on the edge of the exam table. The husband asks, “Well, what did the doc tell you?”
“He says you’re going to die soon.”
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Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically
okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them
remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man
returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She
stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What's the name of
that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and
has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?'
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
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A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
be careful.'
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One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
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