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By Bill Ferguson
No matter what happens in your life, you have something
to do with it.
Finding your role in a problem is
the key to resolving it.
When you can see your role in a problem, you can do something about it. When you blame, you become powerless. You make yourself a victim and you stay stuck. A good way to see how this works is to look at relationships.
We have been taught that relationships are 50/50, but they're not. Relationships are not 50/50. They are 100/100. Each person is 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love.
Let’s say that you and I have a relationship. How I treat you determines how you respond to me. If I am loving and supportive, you will react one way. If I am judgmental, critical, or resentful, you will react in quite a different way.
This makes me 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love and you are 0% responsible. You are 0% responsible because you are just reacting to me. I'm the cause and you are the effect.
The other side of the coin is also true. How you treat me determines how I will respond to you. If you are loving and supportive, I will respond one way. If you are judgmental, critical, or resentful, I will respond another way. This makes you 100% responsible and I am 0%.
To say this another way, each of us are totally, 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love. But this is not what we have been taught. We have been taught that there is only one responsibility.
Either you are responsible or I am responsible, or we cut it down the middle, 50/50. This is what we’ve been taught, but it’s not the truth. Everyone is responsible. When we believe that there is only one responsibility, we get into serious trouble. Here’s how:
Let’s say that you and I have a problem in our relationship. Since I know that there is only one responsibility, it’s easy to find the source of the problem. It’s you.
Then I get trapped. I get trapped because when I point at your 100%, I’m telling the truth. You are responsible. And since I have found the source of the problem, I don’t have to look any further. This keeps me stuck.
Blaming takes away your power
When I blame you, I may be telling the truth, but so what? When I blame you, I give you my power.
When I blame, I am saying that you are 100% responsible. At the same time, I am saying that I am 0%. Herein lies the problem. If I am 0 % responsible, what percent power do I have? None. You are the problem, not me.
When you blame someone, that person may be 100% responsible, but so what? Pointing over there doesn’t change a thing. When you blame, you throw away your power. You make yourself a victim and you destroy your ability to take effective action.
To get your power back, stop blaming the other person and find your role in the problem. Once you see your role in a problem, you can do something about it. As long as you blame, you stay stuck.
Life only works in the areas where you take responsibility for the result. When you blame, you lose your power. You make yourself a victim and become unable to produce the result you want. This is true in every area of life.
Do you have a relationship or any other area of life that isn’t working? If you do, give Bill Ferguson a call. He can give you the tools, the direction, and the support you need to handle this area of your life. Learn more
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